The Hardcore Title Game...

I am the Hardcore Champion. Go ahead and try to take it dick-mouths!

i punt you in the knackers sir.... 1, 2, 3...


i'll be taking that belt right now thank you very much...

I respond by hitting you in the head with a barbed wire wrapped crow bar, knocking you out... COLD!
1-2-3.

~enters the ring, runs the ropes avoiding your crowbar swing stopping behind you and catches you with a white russian leg sweep with the crowbar. gets up and then slams it into your crotch catching your nuts wit the barbed wire. I then pin you with the crowbar across your throat 1-2-3

You are backstage about to leave and out of nowhere I run you over with a golf cart.
1-2-3.

I hang onto the golf cart and pull myself up behind you and lock in a cobra clutch and you pass out and crash into a brick wall then throw you out of the cart and pin you... Uno- Dos- Tres

I come to and immediately begin my search for you. I find you in a local hotel, sitting at the bar, nervously sipping your drink as if I were to come around the corner and wallop you at any time. After a while, you finally begin to relax so you order another drink and WHAM! I jump up from behind the bar and smash you in the face with a drink tray.
1-2-3.

gets up and dragon suplexes you onto the pool table, then breaks the bottom of the coner pocket pocket and slides your arm through the hole and applies a jugigatame (cross arm breaker) you tapI exit bar and run off into the night

The next morning you wake up, take a piss and head to the kitchen for breakfast. As you're sitting at the table enjoying a bowl of Froot Loops, you look with pride at your Hardcore Championship belt which is sitting on the table. In a little bit, you get up and walk over to the counter to get the box of cereal and as you turn around, you stand face-to-face with me. As I stand there holding the Hardcore Title, I say "Surprise motherfucker!" and wallop you over the head with the belt. I then turn the kitchen table over on you and pin you.
1-2-3.
I then prop you up in a chair and chain you to it. I leave your house and head to Time Square to celebrate my win.

I find the key to the lock that closes the chain and get myself undone then head to times square and find you at Lace 2 topless club because you foolishly left the belt with the bouncer. I go in and find you getting a lap dance. When it's done I sit next t you then drag you to the vip area and slam your head repeatedly in the door and then drag you through the bathroom door and Tombstone you into the toilet then lay you down and pin you 1-2-3 then go hop on the E train back to Queens.

I come to in the bathroom with a whole slew of strippers surrounding me conserned for my well being. I immediately start in about finding you, but the strippers will have none of that. One of them takes me back to her place, where the rest follow, and they tend to all of my needs, ALL of my needs.
After quite a lovely evening, the next morning, the strippers and I begin our search for you. Later that night, one of the strippers spots you doing karaoke in a bar. After your song, she approaches you and completely fools you into believing that she's into you.
With your guard totally down, the rest of the strippers and I walk into the bar. As soon as you see us, you know what's going down. You jump up and make a mad dash towards the exit, but I gore you through a big screen television that the karaoke is done on. Everyone in the place is totally marking out for me as I pin you.
1-2-3.
The strippers and I exit the bar, go to a lavash hotel where the manager gives the Hardcore Champion a villa. The strippers and I head up to the villa where we have an AWESOME night of partying.

One of your strippers is actually a Dominatrix I hired to keep a track on you and I let you keep the belt while she softens you up by forcing you to submit to her and after a while I get a call about you being a broken man from her and make a surprise appearance at one of your parties and have her cuff you to the foot of the bed while I lock in a figure 4 while swinging her riding crop at you. you tap and I leave with the gold

After you leave, the strippers call hotel maintenance who come up with bolt cutters and cut me loose. The next day, I find out that you're working at The Garden during an event. I then decide, that's when I will take action. While the event is taking place, I walk into the arena carrying a 2X4 wrapped in barbed wire. I go through the doorway of a section and begin my search. After a while, I spot you several sections over, wearing the Hardcore Championship. As you're selling beer, you notice a commotion a ways behind you. People are making a mad dash toward the exits and there I am, in the middle of all the chaos, my eyes dead-locked on you, pointing a now flaming barbed wire wrapped 2X4 at you. As you are on the verge of shitting and pissing yourself, you turn the opposite way to run, but you're met with a crowd of people coming toward you, trying to leave. I catch up to you and hit you in the back with the weapon, thus beginning an epic fight. The chaos of the crowd soon stops as the whole arena, including the event on the floor, are watching me beating the shit out of you with amazement. We fight all the way up to the 400 section and there you stand, all bloodied and burnt, in front of the stairs. I raise my fists over my head, which causes Madison Square Garden to erupt. The crowd continues to pop as I kick you down the stairs. I follow you all the way down and when you finally stop, I go for the pin fall and the crowd counts the pin.
1-2-3!
As MSG reaches "three," I receive a pop louder than that of John Cena's Royal Rumble 2008 return.
I walk all the way around The Garden, celebrating with the fans, with the Hardcore Championship proudly resting on my shoulder.
Because of the epicness of that night, a framed photograph of me holding up the Hardcore Championship inside MSG now hangs in the hallowed halls of the venue.

as you celebrate and I recover I reach into my apron full of tricks and pull out my church key ( old fashioned punch can opener) and sneak up behind you through the crowd. then grab you by the back of the head and dig the point of the opener into your eye and rip it out of the socket as you stand there gushing blood holding your face I pull out my hot dog fork and hit you with a low blow driving the points of the tines of the fork into your nuts. I then grab you by the shirt and drag you up to the west balcony where some of the suites used to be and throw you over the protective glass down to the 7th floor from the 10th, climb up upon the glass and do a New Jack style balcony dive and pin you 1-2-3, then find one of my coworkers and get a couple beers from him and celebrate Sandman style Pop one open, fire one up and get Extreme then exit pouring beers down a few peoples throats and I exit promptly after.

pic of the first weapon used

Fully recovered from the fall, eye and testicle injuries, I track you down at a Home Depot and an amazing brawl ensues involving all kinds of weapons. The fight climaxes when we climb on top of a aisle and begin to trade punches over two barbed wire topped, flaming tables. After a low blow and a big boot to the chest, you fall of the aisle, careening through the fire, barbed wire and tables. I climb down and get the pin.
1-2-3!
I am the new Hardcore Champion, ending your 8 month championship reign.

didnt have the balls to do a new jack dive huh? after recovering from the contusions and fractured skull I find you backyard wrestling with the GBWA Gay Backyard Wrestling Alliance after recieving an email by some guy named Dave from England. so I track you down at the show and in the middle of your match I appear out of the 2 d0ozen people attending and light a branding iron then slip out of the crows and low blow you with the iron thenburn your nuts off as you tap out so your opponent cant enjoy a vitorious conquest tonight.

It's not that I didn't have the balls, I was smart enough to not do it without intact tables to break my fall.
I wasn't appearing at the GBWA for conquests or anything thing else related to that, I was there because I am for equal gay rights in professional wrestling.
But to prevent said conquests, I wore a metal cup in my match, which protected my manhood from the flaming branding iron. As you celebrate your victory, I throw a lighter fluid-soaked rainbow flag on your head from behind and light it on fire. As you're flailing around still on fire, I smash you in the head with a barbed wire-wrapped steel chair. Still smoldering from the fire, you mosey out on the ring apron, completely unaware of your surroundings. I hit you in the head repeatedly with a Singapore Cane, which causes you to fall through two sawhorses bridged with light tubes. An elbow drop off the ring apron and a 1-2-3 later, I am once again the Hardcore Champion.
However, the crowd is upset with me for the use of a flaming rainbow flag in the match. I simply throw the lighter out to the crowd and leave the ring. Upon seeing the name "Jason" engraved on the lighter, the enraged crowd storms over the guard rails to do God-knows-what to your unconscious body.